Účtovné vtipy

Why accountants don't read novels? Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.

Why do accountants make good lovers? They're great with figures.

If an accountant's wife cannot sleep, what does she say? "Darling, could you tell me about your work."

What is the definition of "accountant"? Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.

What do accountants do for fun? Add the telephone book!

Why don't old accountants never die? They just lose their balance!

What is the definition of a good tax accountant? Someone who has a loophole named after him.

How do you know when an accountant is on holiday? He doesn't wear a tie and comes in after 8am!

Why did God invent economists? So accountants could have someone to laugh at.

What does an accountant use for birth control? His personality.

What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer? The accountant knows he is boring.

What's an extroverted accountant? One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.

What do you call an accountant who is seen talking to someone? Popular

How do you drive an accountant completely insane? Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.

What's the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do? Go into town and gang-audit someone.

What does an accountant say when you ask him the time? It's 9.18 am and 12 seconds; no wait - 13 seconds, no wait - 14 seconds, no wait......

Why was the accountant so excited that he completed a jigsaw puzzle in only 59 weeks? Because on the box it said 8-12 Years.

Why did the accountant stare at his glass of orange juice for three hours? Because on the box it said Concentrate.

What's the difference between the male sperm and an accountant? The sperm has a 1 in 250,000 chance of becoming human.

When does a person decide to become an accountant? When he realises he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

What's an actuary? An accountant without the sense of humour.

Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries? They find bookkeeping too exciting.

What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? Invite an accountant.

Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts.

What does CPA stand for? Can't Pass Again.

It's accrual world.

It's 4:04. Do you know where your auditor is?

Where do homeless accountants live? In a tax shelter.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

How do you know you have a great CPA? He has a tax loophole named after him.

What do you call an accountant with an opinion? An auditor.

An accountant is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don’t understand.

Why did the accountant cross the road? Because she looked in the files and did what they did last year.

How does Santa's accountant value his sleigh? Net Present Value.

What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t? Depreciation.

Why are accountants always so calm, composed, and methodical? They have strong internal controls.

Be audit you can be.

What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.? Lazy.

What do you call a trial balance that doesn't balance? A late night.

An economist is someone who didn't have enough personality to become an accountant.

Why do economists exist? So accountants have someone to laugh at.

What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer? The accountant knows he's boring.

What do you call a group financial controller who's lost his job? Bob.